Valentine's Day is just two weeks away, so let's talk about love. What are you loving these days? A person, a moment, a food...One of my lifelong loves is French bread (here's me proving it, as a two-year-old), especially with stinky cheese or warm Nutella. Also, did you know you’re always supposed to tear French bread, since it's actually considered odd to slice it?
Just in time for Valentine's Day, Coach has launched a new fragrance called Coach Love, which is a sensual woody floral. I really like feminine fragrances that aren't overwhelming, but instead are warm, sexy and understated. (Plus, the bottle would look beautiful on a bathroom shelf.)
Now think about what you love: Coach Love has created a fun Facebook app, where you reveal the funny little things you love, along with a photo. (I shared my French bread photo.) Post yours on Facebook, if you'd like...
(This post is sponsored by Coach Love, a truly beautiful fragrance. Thank you for supporting the sponsors who make Cup of Jo possible)
Thursday, January 31
Happy birthday, Lucy
My twin sister Lucy and I are turning a whopping 34 today. We've officially reached our mid thirties. Whattup! Everyone says your twenties are the time of your life, but I actually prefer my thirties. (My twenties were all over the place:) What about you?
A while back, on this post about paying for your parents, a reader named Angela commented, "As a Filipino, I send my mom flowers on my birthday." How sweet is that? So my sister and I are giving flowers to our mom today. Thanks for the idea, Angela!
(Bottom photo by flower stylist Amy Merrick)
A while back, on this post about paying for your parents, a reader named Angela commented, "As a Filipino, I send my mom flowers on my birthday." How sweet is that? So my sister and I are giving flowers to our mom today. Thanks for the idea, Angela!
(Bottom photo by flower stylist Amy Merrick)
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
personal,
relationships
Wednesday, January 30
Any book recommendations?
After seeing Argo last week, I was inspired to reread the fantastic graphic novel Persepolis, which tells the story of the author's childhood in Iran during the Islamic revolution. Her neighbors' homes are bombed, and her relatives are imprisoned. Her father considers fleeing to America, but then asks his wife, "I can become a taxi driver and you a cleaning lady?" As she grows up, the girl's rebellious streak endangers her life. Her personal story is gripping, heartbreaking and surprisingly funny. I devoured it in three days, and now I'm really looking forward to reading the authors' other two books, Persepolis 2 (the sequel) and Embroideries (about her female relatives' sex lives!).
Have you read any good books recently? I'd love to get your recommendations...
P.S. Four other great graphic novels.
Have you read any good books recently? I'd love to get your recommendations...
P.S. Four other great graphic novels.
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
books,
design,
graphic novels,
illustration
The Best Mascarpone Cheesecake You'll Ever Have
When I was 10 years old, I went through a weird cheesecake stage. My mom had a big cheesecake cookbook, and I'd come home from school and whip up a marble or strawberry one, just for fun. It was so random! But while they were all good, today Yossy from Apt. 2B Baking Co. shares the most delicious recipe featuring a dollop of mascarpone (how perfect would this be for a dinner party?)...
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Read More >
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
basic food series,
best cheesecake recipe,
food
Tuesday, January 29
Florida Man Accused of Fraud After Adopting His Wife's Last Name
Recently, a man in Florida was accused of fraud and had his driver's license suspended after he opted to adopt his wife's last name when they got married.
Isn't that ridiculous?!
The man says he followed the same process that a woman would follow to change her last name after she got married, but was later told that that process is "only for women" and that he has to go through a much more time-consuming and expensive process if he wants to legally change his name.
Apparently, only a few states have received the memo that women are not just chattel who are passed from their fathers to their husbands. Only nine states - nine! - have gender neutral marriage name change laws: California, New York, Hawaii, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Oregon, Iowa, Georgia, and North Dakota.
The whole incident makes me even more grateful to be involved with The Last Name Project and reminds us all that our laws, not just our traditions, still reinforce the good ole' patriarchal status quo!
I'd love to hear from men who changed their names when they got married. Did you have go through an alternative route? Did you encounter legal resistance?
Isn't that ridiculous?!
Photo of Mr. and Ms. Dinh, Courtesy of Reuters |
Apparently, only a few states have received the memo that women are not just chattel who are passed from their fathers to their husbands. Only nine states - nine! - have gender neutral marriage name change laws: California, New York, Hawaii, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Oregon, Iowa, Georgia, and North Dakota.
The whole incident makes me even more grateful to be involved with The Last Name Project and reminds us all that our laws, not just our traditions, still reinforce the good ole' patriarchal status quo!
I'd love to hear from men who changed their names when they got married. Did you have go through an alternative route? Did you encounter legal resistance?
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
The Last Name Project
Faux fur throws
This past weekend, we were lucky enough to visit our friends' cabin in Connecticut. Alex and I are usually huge wusses about winter, but, inspired by our friends, we decided to embrace it. We built roaring fires, ate French toast and bacon for breakfast, chopped wood, went cross-country skiing, threw the toddlers in the bath together, and later comforted crying kids on hikes because their hands were too cold and rushed them back to the warm car—all in all, a real country weekend:)
But the biggest surprise of the trip? Our friends' sofas were draped in these faux fur throws from Restoration Hardware, and they were soft and luxurious. We spent the weekend cuddled in them, and when we returned home on Sunday night, we immediately ordered one. I'd highly recommend them!
P.S. Love Alex's face while chopping wood!
(Photos by our friends, who are actually the designers behind Pinhole Press. Thanks, Ashley and Stefan!)
But the biggest surprise of the trip? Our friends' sofas were draped in these faux fur throws from Restoration Hardware, and they were soft and luxurious. We spent the weekend cuddled in them, and when we returned home on Sunday night, we immediately ordered one. I'd highly recommend them!
P.S. Love Alex's face while chopping wood!
(Photos by our friends, who are actually the designers behind Pinhole Press. Thanks, Ashley and Stefan!)
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
alex,
design,
family travel,
our vacations,
personal,
toby,
travel
16 high school yearbook photos of celebrities
New York Magazine recently featured high-school yearbook photos of celebrities, and they're awesome. Can you guess the four people above? And here are 12 more...
Read More >
Read More >
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
genius,
photography,
relationships
Monday, January 28
Motherhood Mondays: Potty training
Last week, we tackled potty training. Toby was a champ, but it was intense. Here's my diary, if you're interested (and I'd LOVE to hear your experiences)...
Saturday:
We went cold turkey. No more diapers. He was happy to sit on the potty, but wouldn't actually pee in it. Tons of accidents. In the evening, he peed on my lap and dissolved into hysterical laughter.
Sunday:
Stayed home naked. Hilariously classic reversion, poor thing. Kept saying, “I’m a baby! I’m sleepy! Waah waah!” Cried when we asked him to sit on potty. We were wondering if this would work out.
Monday:
Miracle! Woke up and was happy to pee! He would announce, “I pee on potty,” then walk over, sit down, pee, get up and resume playing. Alex and I gave each other a secret high five! A couple accidents, but overall a great day.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday:
Ups and downs. Some accidents, some resistance, some successes. We had him wear pants but no underwear, so he'd realize he wasn't in a diaper. Told me earnestly that he missed his diapers, which was kind of heartbreaking.
Friday:
Now, finally, he's reliably peeing when prompted. Instead of expecting him to initiate, we decided to have "potty time" every 90 minutes or so. We treat it like a normal part of his daily routine, just like lunchtime or nap time. Seems to be working so far!
Two tips from this website that surprised me: Instead of saying "pull down your pants," it's easier for your toddler to understand if you say "push down your pants." And if your child has an accident, don't say "It's okay," since that sounds as if you're granting permission; instead, just calmly say, "Oops! Remember, pee goes in the potty, not on the sofa."
How has it gone for you? Any funny/crazy/embarrassing moments? I'd love to hear. (One reader said she motivated her daughter with Lindt chocolate truffles!)
Toby wears Honest training pants for naps and bedtime, and we're going to have him start wearing Thomas the Tank Engine underwear—instead of going commando—for the rest of the day. (I've heard that swim diapers also work well for those first few tricky weeks, since they feel like underwear but are absorbant.)
P.S. Those little legs!!!
Of course, we're thrilled that it's working...
...but I'll secretly miss these anchor diapers:)
(This post is sponsored by The Honest Company, whose mission I adore, and whose diapers, training pants, wipes, lotion, shampoo, soap and many other awesome products we use for our family. In honor of all things baby, they're offering free shipping with the code JoFreeShip3, until February 11th)
Saturday:
We went cold turkey. No more diapers. He was happy to sit on the potty, but wouldn't actually pee in it. Tons of accidents. In the evening, he peed on my lap and dissolved into hysterical laughter.
Sunday:
Stayed home naked. Hilariously classic reversion, poor thing. Kept saying, “I’m a baby! I’m sleepy! Waah waah!” Cried when we asked him to sit on potty. We were wondering if this would work out.
Monday:
Miracle! Woke up and was happy to pee! He would announce, “I pee on potty,” then walk over, sit down, pee, get up and resume playing. Alex and I gave each other a secret high five! A couple accidents, but overall a great day.
Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday:
Ups and downs. Some accidents, some resistance, some successes. We had him wear pants but no underwear, so he'd realize he wasn't in a diaper. Told me earnestly that he missed his diapers, which was kind of heartbreaking.
Friday:
Now, finally, he's reliably peeing when prompted. Instead of expecting him to initiate, we decided to have "potty time" every 90 minutes or so. We treat it like a normal part of his daily routine, just like lunchtime or nap time. Seems to be working so far!
Two tips from this website that surprised me: Instead of saying "pull down your pants," it's easier for your toddler to understand if you say "push down your pants." And if your child has an accident, don't say "It's okay," since that sounds as if you're granting permission; instead, just calmly say, "Oops! Remember, pee goes in the potty, not on the sofa."
How has it gone for you? Any funny/crazy/embarrassing moments? I'd love to hear. (One reader said she motivated her daughter with Lindt chocolate truffles!)
Toby wears Honest training pants for naps and bedtime, and we're going to have him start wearing Thomas the Tank Engine underwear—instead of going commando—for the rest of the day. (I've heard that swim diapers also work well for those first few tricky weeks, since they feel like underwear but are absorbant.)
P.S. Those little legs!!!
Of course, we're thrilled that it's working...
...but I'll secretly miss these anchor diapers:)
(This post is sponsored by The Honest Company, whose mission I adore, and whose diapers, training pants, wipes, lotion, shampoo, soap and many other awesome products we use for our family. In honor of all things baby, they're offering free shipping with the code JoFreeShip3, until February 11th)
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
baby,
motherhood,
motherhood mondays,
personal,
toby
Coral & Tusk
The other day, I was browsing around the home shop John Derian, when I spotted this embroidered duck onesie. It was so intricate and beautiful in person, and I learned that it was hand-drawn and designed by Brooklyn designer Stephanie Housley of Coral & Tusk. She also makes embroidered pillows, aprons, tea towels and artwork. How gorgeous are they all?!
The video below gives a peek behind-the-scenes. "I identify with the fox a lot," says Stephanie. "He looks so cute and so funny...but he's also really sneaky." Find her online shop here, and watch a behind-the-scenes video here.
(Photos by Kate Lacey)
The video below gives a peek behind-the-scenes. "I identify with the fox a lot," says Stephanie. "He looks so cute and so funny...but he's also really sneaky." Find her online shop here, and watch a behind-the-scenes video here.
(Photos by Kate Lacey)
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
baby,
design,
motherhood mondays,
nursery
Friday, January 25
Have a beautiful weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? We're excited to drive up to our friends' cabin in Connecticut...and are just praying that Toby's potty training will stick. Their daughter is Toby's exact age, so it's going to be a noisy one! They're making mussels (yay), so maybe we'll bring these. Have a relaxing weekend, stay warm, and here are a few fun posts from around the web...
Alex and I saw Argo this week and loved it. Have you seen it?
The secret to perfectly cooked eggs.
Bridesmaids can now rent dresses!
A house in the forest.
Apparently some Italians fake their vacations.
The documentary Brooklyn Castle looks great.
A pretty top for dates.
If Dr. Seuss books were titled according to their subtexts.
This Valentine's Day card made me laugh.
Love these Valentine-y earrings.
What 13 people wore to an interview with Anna Wintour.
Who wants to play Downton Abbey bingo?
Constellation bracelet.
Last but not least, Google's female employees get 5 months maternity leave at full pay, and they can split up that time however they'd like. Bravo.
(Photo by Michael Graydon)
Alex and I saw Argo this week and loved it. Have you seen it?
The secret to perfectly cooked eggs.
Bridesmaids can now rent dresses!
A house in the forest.
Apparently some Italians fake their vacations.
The documentary Brooklyn Castle looks great.
A pretty top for dates.
If Dr. Seuss books were titled according to their subtexts.
This Valentine's Day card made me laugh.
Love these Valentine-y earrings.
What 13 people wore to an interview with Anna Wintour.
Who wants to play Downton Abbey bingo?
Constellation bracelet.
Last but not least, Google's female employees get 5 months maternity leave at full pay, and they can split up that time however they'd like. Bravo.
(Photo by Michael Graydon)
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
design,
photography
Return address embossers
Now that I spend my life typing on a computer, my handwriting has gotten pretty much illegible. So instead of scribbling your return address on a letter, wouldn't it be great to use these beautiful embossers, which leave a raised stamp of your address on envelopes? Easy and beautiful!
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
design,
stationery,
typography
Thursday, January 24
How did you meet your significant other?
If you're in a relationship, how did you meet your significant other? Here's our story from six years ago...Read More >
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
personal,
relationships
Thursday giveaway!
Today's giveaway is from ShoeMint, a free, members-only website with an amazing selection of shoes, each for just $79.95. It's a collaboration between Rachel Bilson, Steve Madden and stylist Nicole Chavez, and they add new styles every month. Everything is made with real leather and suede, and they also have cute boots and bags. Bonus: They offer free shipping and returns.
Today FIVE lucky winners will get to choose a pair of ShoeMint shoes. Which would you choose? (I'd go for the Hillary flat.)
To enter, please visit ShoeMint and leave a comment below telling us your favorite pair of shoes. Five winners will be chosen at random tomorrow. Good luck! The winners have been emailed. Thanks for playing.
For all readers: Click here to get 20% off your first pair.
Today FIVE lucky winners will get to choose a pair of ShoeMint shoes. Which would you choose? (I'd go for the Hillary flat.)
To enter, please visit ShoeMint and leave a comment below telling us your favorite pair of shoes. Five winners will be chosen at random tomorrow. Good luck! The winners have been emailed. Thanks for playing.
For all readers: Click here to get 20% off your first pair.
Posted by
gembur80
Wednesday, January 23
Before Midnight
Have you seen the beautifully romantic films Before Sunrise and Before Sunset? Well, director Richard Linklater has now made a third film in the series, Before Midnight...Read More >
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
movies,
relationships
The Best Taco Soup You'll Ever Have
Do you like tacos? (Is the sky blue?) Well, our friends Laura and Ryan from Smith & Ratliff make a rich, hearty taco soup that they call "the ultimate soup recipe for the non-cook." Here's how to make it...
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Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
basic food series,
best taco soup recipe,
food
Tuesday, January 22
Awesome Vacation Idea: Stinson Beach
Are you planning any vacations this year? Travel is fun to daydream about during gray January, so I decided to ask a few friends to reveal the vacation spots they remember most fondly. First up, Liz Stanley from Say Yes to Hoboken raves about Stinson Beach, just thirty minutes from San Francisco...
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Read More >
Posted by
gembur80
Sweatshirt dress
Over the past year, I wore this sweatshirt dress ALL the time. It's one of those comfy dresses you can wear year-round, with self-tanner in the summer and wool tights in the winter. It's pretty for the beach, bike rides, romantic dinners and work meetings. I wanted to recommend it, if you're looking for an effortless everyday dress for this coming year.
P.S. Personally, I wore it with these wedges, and these pink flats would look cute.
P.S. Personally, I wore it with these wedges, and these pink flats would look cute.
Friday, January 18
Have a magical (long) weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? After a day of potty training, Alex and I are hoping to sneak out for lasagna in the neighborhood. And will you be watching Girls on Sunday? Have a wonderful weekend, and here are a few fun links from around the web...
A song for your weekend.
A recipe for just two chocolate chip cookies? Perfect.
IKEA bookshelves get an awesome makeover.
Well said, Tina Fey.
Six toddler games for lazy parents.
Wow, a neon gown!
Damaged hardwood floors? Just paint stripes.
Winter sun cocktail.
This packing list makes me want to take a trip.
Queen Elizabeth with 12 presidents.
Remember the controversial Vogue mom who put her daughter on a diet? Her book is out.
...And here's a Q&A with her.
Good parenting question.
Cute cups for picnics.
What a beautiful photo.
(Photo of the northern lights in Alaska by NASA)
A song for your weekend.
A recipe for just two chocolate chip cookies? Perfect.
IKEA bookshelves get an awesome makeover.
Well said, Tina Fey.
Six toddler games for lazy parents.
Wow, a neon gown!
Damaged hardwood floors? Just paint stripes.
Winter sun cocktail.
This packing list makes me want to take a trip.
Queen Elizabeth with 12 presidents.
Remember the controversial Vogue mom who put her daughter on a diet? Her book is out.
...And here's a Q&A with her.
Good parenting question.
Cute cups for picnics.
What a beautiful photo.
(Photo of the northern lights in Alaska by NASA)
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
design,
photography
Potty training advice?
Help! This weekend, we're attempting to potty train.
We were originally planning start potty training right before the holidays, but decided to wait until our trip was over. (We figured diapers would be best on car trips and airplanes.)
But, now, we're ready. A reader recommended this website, which instructs us to spend a weekend at home with Toby totally naked. Sounds strange, but the site says it helps your child realize that they're not wearing a diaper and instead should use the potty. Is that what you guys did? Did it work? I'd be incredibly grateful for any tips and advice.
Most of all: Go, Toby! What a little hero!
(Photo of Toby from the holidays)
We were originally planning start potty training right before the holidays, but decided to wait until our trip was over. (We figured diapers would be best on car trips and airplanes.)
But, now, we're ready. A reader recommended this website, which instructs us to spend a weekend at home with Toby totally naked. Sounds strange, but the site says it helps your child realize that they're not wearing a diaper and instead should use the potty. Is that what you guys did? Did it work? I'd be incredibly grateful for any tips and advice.
Most of all: Go, Toby! What a little hero!
(Photo of Toby from the holidays)
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
motherhood,
motherhood mondays,
personal,
toby
Thursday, January 17
Thursday giveaway!
Today's giveaway is from Eberjey, a lingerie line that has beautiful pieces which flatter real bodies. (How sexy are these?) They're offering one lucky reader this Heather Slouchy Tee and PJ Pant set ($138), which would make you feel cute and cozy while hanging out on chilly evenings and weekends.
For a chance to win, visit Eberjey and leave a comment below. A winner will be chosen at random tomorrow. Good luck! Update: Kristen U. is our lucky winner. Thanks for playing.
Bonus for all readers: Get 20% off your entire order with the code CUPOFJO, through this Sunday.
Posted by
gembur80
Do or Don’t: Dark red lipstick
My friend Caroline recently posted a few instagram photos of herself wearing dark red lipstick. How gorgeous and sultry does that color look? It would look beautiful on a winter evening or a date to a cozy restaurant.
The trick is to choose a color that has enough red and isn't so dark that it looks scary. Caroline's color is sold out, but two other fantastic colors are the burgundy MAC Diva (below left), and the black cherry NARS Terre de Feu (below right):
Thoughts? Would you wear dark red lipstick?
P.S. Caroline's 14 hair tutorials, and more do or don'ts.
The trick is to choose a color that has enough red and isn't so dark that it looks scary. Caroline's color is sold out, but two other fantastic colors are the burgundy MAC Diva (below left), and the black cherry NARS Terre de Feu (below right):
Thoughts? Would you wear dark red lipstick?
P.S. Caroline's 14 hair tutorials, and more do or don'ts.
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
beauty,
best dark red lipstick,
do or don't,
fashion,
makeup
Who's your celebrity crush?
My current celebrity crush is Dr. Danny Castellano from The Mindy Project. There's just something about him (and his cute mouth)! I rarely have celebrity crushes, but I just love him. His fraught relationship with Mindy is pitch-perfect.
Two funny clips:
And a conversation about Mindy's love life:
Danny: Was he a man?
Mindy: What do you mean? Yeah, of course he was a man.
Danny: No, I mean, like, was he a man?
Mindy: Danny, don’t just repeat it and expect me to understand what you’re saying.
Danny: Was this the kinda guy who, if he heard glass breaking in the middle of the night, is he gonna jump out of bed, say, “stay here,” and look through the house naked with a baseball bat, or is he gonna hide under the covers with you? Is this the kinda guy who is gonna get grossed out when you give birth, or is he gonna dry your forehead and tell you you look beautiful while all that disgusting stuff is coming out of you? Is this the kinda guy that’s not afraid to get into a fistfight at a Springsteen show because someone really disrespects him? And he’ll just put it out… And he’ll take ‘em down right there, right now?
Mindy: You’re just talking about yourself.
P.S. By the way, am I the only woman in the world who doesn’t find George Clooney attractive? He feels like my sleazy uncle.
P.P.S. Mindy's mom's great advice, and Mindy as a child.
Two funny clips:
And a conversation about Mindy's love life:
Danny: Was he a man?
Mindy: What do you mean? Yeah, of course he was a man.
Danny: No, I mean, like, was he a man?
Mindy: Danny, don’t just repeat it and expect me to understand what you’re saying.
Danny: Was this the kinda guy who, if he heard glass breaking in the middle of the night, is he gonna jump out of bed, say, “stay here,” and look through the house naked with a baseball bat, or is he gonna hide under the covers with you? Is this the kinda guy who is gonna get grossed out when you give birth, or is he gonna dry your forehead and tell you you look beautiful while all that disgusting stuff is coming out of you? Is this the kinda guy that’s not afraid to get into a fistfight at a Springsteen show because someone really disrespects him? And he’ll just put it out… And he’ll take ‘em down right there, right now?
Mindy: You’re just talking about yourself.
P.S. By the way, am I the only woman in the world who doesn’t find George Clooney attractive? He feels like my sleazy uncle.
P.P.S. Mindy's mom's great advice, and Mindy as a child.
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
relationships,
tv
Wednesday, January 16
NatureBox snacks
Do you ever get in a food rut? We find ourselves cooking the same few things for dinner, going to the same few restaurants, and eating the same snacks over and over (I'm looking at you, hummus). So, this past fall, I was psyched to discover the snack subscription NatureBox. Have you heard of them? They send you...
Read More >
Read More >
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
baby,
food,
motherhood
The Best (Coconut!) Hot Chocolate You'll Ever Have
My friend Sharon has three hilarious kids who are older than Toby, so she's always revealing genius motherhood tips when we hang out, and the most recent was how to make hot chocolate even richer and more delicious by stirring in coconut milk. How brilliant is that? Here's her secret recipe...
Read More >
Read More >
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
basic food series,
best hot chocolate recipe,
food
Tuesday, January 15
Backyard dreams
Do you have a backyard? Alex and I have always lived in small apartments without outdoor space, but we daydream about having a yard (or a little garden, we're not picky!) someday. Here are 9 jaw-dropping backyards that would feel magical for reading the paper and sipping evening cocktails...
Read More >
Read More >
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
design,
home,
home inspiration,
new york
Personality test
Have you ever taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? My guy friend took it at work and the results were dead-on. Honestly, it felt like someone had read his diary and written up a detailed personal description. Intrigued, all our friends suddenly wanted to take it! So we found a mini version online. (Not sure how scientific it is, but it seems pretty good.)
I'm a ENFJ personality, and Alex is a INFP. Which are you? Take the quiz here, if you'd like. Does the description of your personality ring true? It's pretty crazy!
I'm a ENFJ personality, and Alex is a INFP. Which are you? Take the quiz here, if you'd like. Does the description of your personality ring true? It's pretty crazy!
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
personal,
relationships
[Maia] The Last Name Project
In this series co-hosted by from two to one and The Feminist Mystique, we will be profiling an array of individuals and couples about their last name decisions upon marriage or what they expect to choose if they marry. The goal is to explore how individuals make decisions about their last name, and to highlight the many possibilities. We will be posting profiles periodically and encourage you to stay connected via Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. If you would like to participate in this series, email Danielle at danielle [at] fromtwotoone [dot] com or Shannon at hill [dot] shannonp [at] gmail [dot] com.
The following post is by Maia, a Midwestern transplant to the Bay Area where she is a chiropractic intern by trade (just shy of graduating!), and a modern dancer by passion. She lives in a treehouse with her partner B (writer of urban half-truths,charlieupsidedown.wordpress. com) and dog Charlie (hiking aficionado, chaser of tennis balls and squirrels). The non-traditional and varied relationship values of the Bay Area have provided endless food-for-thought about how she defines individualism, feminism, and partnership, and these views are continually evolving.
My last name has always held some frustration for me. It’s difficult to spell, can be phonetically pronounced more than one way, and no one ever gets it right. My first name is somewhat unique and seems to give people trouble as well—really, what’s so difficult about it? —So the name change dilemma has always been about aesthetics to me. As I got older, I got in touch with the independence of keeping my own name, and I admire my father and the family I came from. (As a side note, I can’t help but wonder; is keeping your father’s name much different than taking your husbands’, from a feminist standpoint?) I also considered that I will become licensed as a chiropractor and begin a practice before I marry. The logistics of changing my name later on become increasingly challenging and can pose professional risks after trying to establish myself by one name.
I don’t particularly label myself a feminist, mostly because FEMINIST seems to have taken on an extremist representation in a lot of ways. I consider myself a strong woman, and I believe in fiercely embracing and supporting concerns close to women and modern female justice. However, I don’t view keeping my own name as an act of defiance against the system which would take it from me, and I don’t view taking a partners’ as an act of submission to masculine oppression. My sentiments may be shaped by a distinct early memory of my mom Christmas-gifting my dad her driver’s license in his name after 10 years of marriage.
B and I have been together 5 years, and while not engaged, we have a weightier task on our minds—choosing our own last name. I like his last name. It sounds good with my first, it’s German like me, it’s pronounceable and phonetically spelled, it’s right at the beginning of the alphabet and I’m tired of being at the end. But he relates little to the family of his namesake; his relationship with his father has always been tenuous, and a shift in religious expression has widened the gap with the rest of the family. At first I felt it was malicious to forego his father’s name, but I had to admit that I wasn’t thrilled about building a family on a name we didn’t value.
When B suggested we take his deceased mother’s maiden name, I liked his purposeful and honoring intent. It seems like a logical solution, but superstition is holding us back—of a large family, none have survived to carry on the name, and that’s a little foreboding to us. So we began to make up names, or try out ones we saw on publications or signs. We have carved a nitch unique to us as a couple, and choosing a name that represents that is inviting. Some are clever, some are silly, some are basic, some are rooted in reason or logic. Some, we really like. But it’s serious business to legally amend your formal designation. It’s hard to come up with something you like and can live with, that also has value. Currently, we’re weighing some frontrunners that allude to family but allow us to be original. This way I can share a name with my children, further my individual identity, and feel no guilt for keeping OR changing my given name.
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gembur80
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The Last Name Project
Monday, January 14
Motherhood Mondays: When pregnant, would you find out the sex of your baby, or keep it a surprise?
After much debate, I think we're going to...Read More >
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
motherhood,
motherhood mondays,
personal,
pregnancy,
second baby,
toby
NYC plushes
Oeuf just launched a collection of NYC plushes, including the Empire State Building, a yellow taxi and a Brooklyn brownstone. (Can you imagine a little one cuddling with a brownstone?! Ha, I love it.) The plushes would also look great on a grown-up sofa.
P.S. Toby's not-so-cute pillow pet.
P.S. Toby's not-so-cute pillow pet.
Posted by
gembur80
Labels:
baby,
motherhood,
motherhood mondays,
new york